Friday, April 30, 2010
A whole week!
It took me a whole week to recuperate from that meeting with that DHS worker. I am however back on track. Perhaps even more so? We shall see. I get to work from home today, so I'll let you know how the work output goes.
Friday, April 16, 2010
I'm sitting here taking a break...
I just walked out of the worst meeting ever. I don't think I can go back in there: to face that parent, to pick up the pieces...
Talk about the right way to go about things. Some people must have been born under a rock.
"Hello, I'm your new worker... let me list out ALL of the reasons why I'm not taking your case."
I walked into this meeting expecting everything to go great. It was the roundtable meeting I've been hoping for. It was supposed to lay out a lot of unresolved issues, such as when reunification was to occur for this family and how it was to happen...
I'm disappointed in how the new worker handled the situation. Not only because it put un-necessary rifts in the relationships sitting around the table, but here is a worker who has been on the case for what? a week? There is no need for this. If she had some problems or unresolved issues, I would have gladly sat down and gotten what she needed. I would have gladly sat down and listened to her concerns. There are holes in the files, I own that. I'm not the only worker on the case! I'm not the only one who has been there.
I would have not returned her child to her, but the judge said so. Nothing I said could have changed her mind. I even asked her that day. "Can I go to her home to check it out, according to our policy." Judges reply? "I'm the judge I'mma do what I want..." Well not so fabulously, but it was close enough.
Is this a typical point for most case managers? I have the feeling that I'm failing somewhere along the line. That I don't do as well as others. When I walked into this job, here were my expectations: I'm going to be horrible at paperwork, Its going to be a lot of hard work, I might see things that will shake my world, and I'm bringing something to the table. I thought that I was going to be this magical creature of sorts swooping into the office and everything was giong to be alright. My expectations were so far from the truth, that I don't even know what they should be! I don't know if I'm in a normal spot. I don't know if I'm going to make it. I called my director today (supervisor is in China! for a month!) BAWLING! Who succombs to that? Actually, I think that case managers crying is a normal, healthy part of the job... otherwise I think that we would turn into recluses who refuse to buy cell phones. Yeah you know those people... (I'm looking at you). Its just that I haven't cried. I haven't cried to my supervisor during our supervisions. Everything is giong to be okay if I just keep working at it. Everything's fine! Look we've got charts and rules and groundings....
Yeah, that sounds familiar... thats the attitude that got me through this mess in the first place. For 16 years of my life that was my work ethic. It was always on me. It was always my fault if my families didn't work out. If I didn't get a long with my foster mothers, it was my fault. I was the ungreatful one.
Even though thats a great parallel, I'll have to write about that another day.
Talk about the right way to go about things. Some people must have been born under a rock.
"Hello, I'm your new worker... let me list out ALL of the reasons why I'm not taking your case."
I walked into this meeting expecting everything to go great. It was the roundtable meeting I've been hoping for. It was supposed to lay out a lot of unresolved issues, such as when reunification was to occur for this family and how it was to happen...
I'm disappointed in how the new worker handled the situation. Not only because it put un-necessary rifts in the relationships sitting around the table, but here is a worker who has been on the case for what? a week? There is no need for this. If she had some problems or unresolved issues, I would have gladly sat down and gotten what she needed. I would have gladly sat down and listened to her concerns. There are holes in the files, I own that. I'm not the only worker on the case! I'm not the only one who has been there.
I would have not returned her child to her, but the judge said so. Nothing I said could have changed her mind. I even asked her that day. "Can I go to her home to check it out, according to our policy." Judges reply? "I'm the judge I'mma do what I want..." Well not so fabulously, but it was close enough.
Is this a typical point for most case managers? I have the feeling that I'm failing somewhere along the line. That I don't do as well as others. When I walked into this job, here were my expectations: I'm going to be horrible at paperwork, Its going to be a lot of hard work, I might see things that will shake my world, and I'm bringing something to the table. I thought that I was going to be this magical creature of sorts swooping into the office and everything was giong to be alright. My expectations were so far from the truth, that I don't even know what they should be! I don't know if I'm in a normal spot. I don't know if I'm going to make it. I called my director today (supervisor is in China! for a month!) BAWLING! Who succombs to that? Actually, I think that case managers crying is a normal, healthy part of the job... otherwise I think that we would turn into recluses who refuse to buy cell phones. Yeah you know those people... (I'm looking at you). Its just that I haven't cried. I haven't cried to my supervisor during our supervisions. Everything is giong to be okay if I just keep working at it. Everything's fine! Look we've got charts and rules and groundings....
Yeah, that sounds familiar... thats the attitude that got me through this mess in the first place. For 16 years of my life that was my work ethic. It was always on me. It was always my fault if my families didn't work out. If I didn't get a long with my foster mothers, it was my fault. I was the ungreatful one.
Even though thats a great parallel, I'll have to write about that another day.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Blogging for the Children in Foster Care Act
If you click on the title of this blog it will bring you to a post I wrote for Pennsylvania Partnerships for Children. Right now they are in the midst of trying to pass a bill for Foster children. Take a look! Endorse it!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Mojo
I've lost my mojo. Yes, I said mojo. My brand new case manager mojo, and its gone. I don't sparkle, I slump. I'm not Confident, I'm worried and feel guilty all of the time. I'm stripped bare, and have been spanked by this job. (I hate that I just wrote that)
But really, I'm starting off like a new case manager... like the last few months haven't taught me a thing!
It would be easy for me to go into a tirade about how I lost it, but there have been a succession of events that have lead to me losing my mojo. mojo mojo mojo.
This job will take and take and take every ounce of pride and hard work from you. Sometimes it matters, and other times its used against you!
As I was driving back to the home town, I was thinking about it... since I'm stripped bare, I can start building myself up again. Stronger and better and wiser this time. Everything I've learned and have dropped needs to be picked up and realigned. If I believe in stars alligning than it would certainly be a good technique.
But really, I'm starting off like a new case manager... like the last few months haven't taught me a thing!
It would be easy for me to go into a tirade about how I lost it, but there have been a succession of events that have lead to me losing my mojo. mojo mojo mojo.
This job will take and take and take every ounce of pride and hard work from you. Sometimes it matters, and other times its used against you!
As I was driving back to the home town, I was thinking about it... since I'm stripped bare, I can start building myself up again. Stronger and better and wiser this time. Everything I've learned and have dropped needs to be picked up and realigned. If I believe in stars alligning than it would certainly be a good technique.
A close...
Alex had made up her mind for now. I believe it to be a good solid decision, and my sister sure knows what she wants in life :-)
As the conversation closed, and we both sighed our conversation was back to the way it used to be, nothing that could ever fit into a box. We were free to talk about boys and relationships, we talked about advocacy, we talked about school. She talked strongly about loyalty. She was with me when I got the call.
Its nice to be just sisters again. She's certain that she would be happier with her current foster parent. I trust her instinct and her likes and dislikes. Her foster parent is also willing to wait until Alex is graduated from high school in order to move to Florida with her daughter, if that is what happens in their future. I know deep down that I will always be there for Alex, either as an ear or by allowing her to live on my couch.
Thats a close to this chapter for now, there are a few blank pages for addendums and footnotes and sequals. I hope that everything bodes well for Alex and I. If anything I hope that we remain good sisters and friends. Where-ever life may lead.
As the conversation closed, and we both sighed our conversation was back to the way it used to be, nothing that could ever fit into a box. We were free to talk about boys and relationships, we talked about advocacy, we talked about school. She talked strongly about loyalty. She was with me when I got the call.
Its nice to be just sisters again. She's certain that she would be happier with her current foster parent. I trust her instinct and her likes and dislikes. Her foster parent is also willing to wait until Alex is graduated from high school in order to move to Florida with her daughter, if that is what happens in their future. I know deep down that I will always be there for Alex, either as an ear or by allowing her to live on my couch.
Thats a close to this chapter for now, there are a few blank pages for addendums and footnotes and sequals. I hope that everything bodes well for Alex and I. If anything I hope that we remain good sisters and friends. Where-ever life may lead.
A day with Alex :-)
I'm making a promise to the blogger community that today, I will not talk about PLC unless Alex brings it up.
Just a fun sisterly day with noo psychology (which I'm prone to do), No worries, and definitely not talking about the future. Neither of us has that down, and I just want a day where we can be sisters again.
Like I said, I'm not going to discourage it if its on her heart and she wants to talk about whatever, I just am not going to push her.
On the other hand, I'm not going to try and prove myself to anyone (to me, her case managers, her foster parent, or anyone rather). I've never done that before, and well it won't work now.
Today we're going to a science museum! I hope that its fun for her, and even if it isn't we'll at least have a good time together.
peace out!
Babs
Just a fun sisterly day with noo psychology (which I'm prone to do), No worries, and definitely not talking about the future. Neither of us has that down, and I just want a day where we can be sisters again.
Like I said, I'm not going to discourage it if its on her heart and she wants to talk about whatever, I just am not going to push her.
On the other hand, I'm not going to try and prove myself to anyone (to me, her case managers, her foster parent, or anyone rather). I've never done that before, and well it won't work now.
Today we're going to a science museum! I hope that its fun for her, and even if it isn't we'll at least have a good time together.
peace out!
Babs
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Resolution
I've never been any good with the "in-betweens" in life. The in between student and graduation, the in between of foster care and reunification, the in between of faith and redemption, the in between of whether or not Alex is ever going to be my foster sister and child.
Right now I'm in a tunnel of "in-betweens", and there's no resolution, especially with my clients. I have no idea what my role is of late. I put out fires, I try to put them in the right direction, and it seems as though I'm back at square 1. Like I'm a new baby case manager again. I don't seem to be developing any sense of expertise in my field. I'm regressing!
Right now I'm in a tunnel of "in-betweens", and there's no resolution, especially with my clients. I have no idea what my role is of late. I put out fires, I try to put them in the right direction, and it seems as though I'm back at square 1. Like I'm a new baby case manager again. I don't seem to be developing any sense of expertise in my field. I'm regressing!
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