I just walked out of the worst meeting ever. I don't think I can go back in there: to face that parent, to pick up the pieces...
Talk about the right way to go about things. Some people must have been born under a rock.
"Hello, I'm your new worker... let me list out ALL of the reasons why I'm not taking your case."
I walked into this meeting expecting everything to go great. It was the roundtable meeting I've been hoping for. It was supposed to lay out a lot of unresolved issues, such as when reunification was to occur for this family and how it was to happen...
I'm disappointed in how the new worker handled the situation. Not only because it put un-necessary rifts in the relationships sitting around the table, but here is a worker who has been on the case for what? a week? There is no need for this. If she had some problems or unresolved issues, I would have gladly sat down and gotten what she needed. I would have gladly sat down and listened to her concerns. There are holes in the files, I own that. I'm not the only worker on the case! I'm not the only one who has been there.
I would have not returned her child to her, but the judge said so. Nothing I said could have changed her mind. I even asked her that day. "Can I go to her home to check it out, according to our policy." Judges reply? "I'm the judge I'mma do what I want..." Well not so fabulously, but it was close enough.
Is this a typical point for most case managers? I have the feeling that I'm failing somewhere along the line. That I don't do as well as others. When I walked into this job, here were my expectations: I'm going to be horrible at paperwork, Its going to be a lot of hard work, I might see things that will shake my world, and I'm bringing something to the table. I thought that I was going to be this magical creature of sorts swooping into the office and everything was giong to be alright. My expectations were so far from the truth, that I don't even know what they should be! I don't know if I'm in a normal spot. I don't know if I'm going to make it. I called my director today (supervisor is in China! for a month!) BAWLING! Who succombs to that? Actually, I think that case managers crying is a normal, healthy part of the job... otherwise I think that we would turn into recluses who refuse to buy cell phones. Yeah you know those people... (I'm looking at you). Its just that I haven't cried. I haven't cried to my supervisor during our supervisions. Everything is giong to be okay if I just keep working at it. Everything's fine! Look we've got charts and rules and groundings....
Yeah, that sounds familiar... thats the attitude that got me through this mess in the first place. For 16 years of my life that was my work ethic. It was always on me. It was always my fault if my families didn't work out. If I didn't get a long with my foster mothers, it was my fault. I was the ungreatful one.
Even though thats a great parallel, I'll have to write about that another day.
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