Sunday, September 25, 2011


I'm as impulsive with my generosity as I am with my cravings.  When someone needs a kidney, my first craving is to give them my spare.  When someone needs a deposit in order to start school in the fall, it is my inclination to give them that step up.  When there's a drought in the horn of Africa, and literally 300,000 people are dying of starvation, I want to go.  I want to raise money.  I want to shed light on the DIRE situation over there.  Even though my history is shoddy, and geographical knowledge is even more shoddy... I want to go.

I'm inspired (careful not to romanticize) to go when other's go, whether its in Philly or in Africa.  I've just spent the last few weeks giving God thanks for giving me a stable opportunity to work on discipline and personal issues.  In a way I'm still in that period of time, but I'm raring to go.  When will I be ready?  When will I feel ready?  When will it be my turn to drop everything and go?

When will I not be afraid of failure?  When will I be able to take ownership of my accomplishments and goals? I have all of these things holding me back that I desperately need and want to finally overcome, but sometimes I want to put those aside and go.

This is how I am feeling right now, it ebbs and flows but I do dream of living overseas and doing some sort of long term missions work.

Pray for the work that I am doing to dismantle years and years of horrible time management.  Its a work that will take many weeks and months.  Pray for longevity in that pursuit, because I don't want it to last just three days anymore.  Pray that I don't let this define who I am, and what I am capable of anymore.  God has instill in me passion and yes, dare I say it, vision.  I have a heart and mind that wants to make things right, and I have the energy and personality to do it.  

I was talking to roomie the other day, and we were talking about how there are starters, and there are finishers.  I have believe and known for a long time that I am definitely a starter.  I'm on my game for the beginning organization and am probably well suited for passing off vision and what I've started to people who are finishers.  How then, do I find my place in the world?

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