Tuesday, March 30, 2010

PLC for Alex? (written 8/27/2009)


what an overwhelming feeling... to know I could be a foster parent in as little as 3 months (which is how long it would take for me to get my act together)... if my car is fixed for at least a little while... I wouldn't have to worry about a car payment.

I make more than Lisa does.. .and she does fine with the kids.

I don't know how much she has to pay for her house though.

In some strange way I'm still caught in the middle because I think God is leading me to this place, but I think I'm just being impulsive.

I don't want to lose Alex... its odd because I get so connected to some of the foster youth who pass through Lisa's house.  The ones with the most fight in them because they've lost so much, or have been hurt too much.

I remember Ashley... We got close too... and then she just split.  When she was 18, she just split because the pressures of this world.  I don't think I ever talked to her about God... It was always --- let me handle it ashley... Let lisa and I take care of you.

I'm so scared to take Alex in... it would change my life forever!  Its like 24/hour surveillance!  haha, exactly why I don't want a baby!  Would I still be able to do YAB?  Would I still be able to do consultant work?  What would she do over the summer?  I could leave her at Lisa's so that she can do camp?  There's families that do that... right?

Philadelphia has its own pitfalls, but I came to Philadelphia to do missions work (which I suck at right now)...Can I do that with a 13 year old?  How would I keep her out of trouble?  I can only jam down her throat so many extra-curriculars.  I could probably kiss dating goodbye... the situations are only too awkward to describe.

She's definitely more of a little sister, but older sisters have watched over their siblings before.
God, are you calling me to this?  Is this my cross?  Is this what I am to do for at least the next 6 years of my life?  Her and I could become some sort of advocating team!  Three years down the road when I've prepped her to do my bidding, she could be my child star!  You know I'm joking about that, what if she doesn't want to do it?  Do I lay down my dreams for her own?  She doesn't believe in you... yet... and maybe she never will.

Surely, you aren't asking me to be a foster parent just to make a good example or be a role-model for other foster parents.  Everyone has different parenting styles.

Anyway I probably should get some work done, not a good time to lay all this emotion on me at once God :-p


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