Wednesday, March 31, 2010

My Rock

God, I'm feeling less and less confident about this deal with Alex.  I'm not certain Alex wants to live with me.  Its not a big deal, but its important to me.  I hide my disappointment from Alex, really because she has enough to think about and work through without having to worry about me. 

God, you are my rock and foundation and you have big plans for me.  Whatever they may be.  You have this process all in your hands, holding me. 

I might be supoenad for her upcoming court date.  I'm nervous about that, because I don't want my credentials questioned.  I can only imagine the questions they could be asking me in front of everyone.  It would be so easy to make a mockery of me in court. 

"Do you have a house?"-- Not yet

"How old are you?"-- 23

"What experience do you have with children?"--  I am currently a case manager, and I did two summers of summer camp.  I also have experience being a foster youth.

"Are you a certified foster parent?"-- Not yet.

"How long have you known Alex?" -- 2 years

"Do you think that you are the best solution for Alex?...  Thats the question I get stopped on.  Am I the best solution?  I sure as heck should be certain by time her court dates come on May 3rd and 6th.  God, I can provide permanency and stability for Alex.  I can give Alex what she needs as far as a future is concerned. 

God I'm worried that people will confuse my questioning as doubt at my capabilities.  I have no doubt that I can do this with you by my side.  I have the resources and support system necessary to raise Joy.  Is it raising if she's already 14?  I often feel like Lisa raised me, and I moved in with her at 16.  Yes, I'll need help and guidance, but what parent doesn't?  What parent has everything completely undercontrol.  I know a lot of parents, and I've never met one that has it 100% together.

God, I rest easy because I know you're in charge :-)