Oh yeah, I know that. My first Charting the course training as an alumni trainer went off without a hitch. I was really nervous about the content. I usually do jump right into these things. I like interacting, and being certain about what I know.
There were many many emotions while we progressed through the curriculum. In some respects, I feel like a failed case worker. I have two years of experience as a child welfare case manager, and I resigned. Its a really hard job, and fortunately, there aren't many of you who would disagree. Its not a job for everyone, and the clients deserve a worker who has their crap together. I try to make myself feel better by insisting that I am playing my part on a Macro level. I'm training the newest of the new case workers. Since I was a constituent, I have a lot of intuition about best practice. I still can't help but feel guilty, when I fell victim to being a new case worker in many of the practices I practiced. I never had the chance to develop a mastery of the craft. It really is an art form in many respects.
Alas, my direct practice is working with the Pennsylvania Youth Advisory Board and its young inspiring leaders. I look forward to working with them one on one. I count it as a deep blessing that being an independent trainer, affords me a lot of time to leadership and community development. I realize now that my little blog on the web does not have a focus anymore, but I've always found solace in writing, and writing I shall do!
Have a great week.